While in the shower this morning talking to You, (yes that is where I do my best thinking, praying and intereceding hee hee) I knew I was supposed to write down all that You have done for us this year, so far. I know there is more in store, so this will be a continuing theme throughout my blog. But I need to start here, to give You thanks God for all you have ALREADY done, to bolster my faith. This is TRULY a Journey of Faith. While I know there will times of trial, duh, I have faith that "when it all comes out in the wash" I will be able to look back over this and fall to my knees in thanksgiving. I already do! Thank you for all you have already done.

So lets start with Week 1, let the Journey of Faith begin...


Week 1
Jan 1-7
You started out the year with a bang! And this is when I grabbed onto the promise to see, expect your provisions every way, big or small, this year. You blessed us with a "new to us" van 2 HOURS after our other one broke! Cost? FREE! Thank you Jesus!

Week 2

Jan 8-14

The van needed some repairs, we had to go out of town to Medford, there was no money. :( But as usual you came through! Curt won $178.50 in a 50/50 raffle which has NEVER happened to us! It paid for our way down there, AND the repairs to the van! THANK YOU AGAIN!

Week 3

Jan 15-21

Once again, it is in the little things that you choose to show me how much you love me and my family. You KNOW that we do not have the finances for the little things, but Becca REALLY needed her haircut! The first place we went to wanted 20 bucks just for a trim, I called Curt and he said "Do not use the card, we can not afford that." Now, while my mom offered to pay, $20 was still to much even for her. So we went to Great Clips and asked them how much. They said $13. Well, that's better than twenty and mom said she would. So then, Becca told the lady she wanted to donate her hair to Locks of Love so could she cut off about 10 inches? That is when you came through AGAIN God! Leading us to the right place, just to bolster my faith again! The hairdresser says "Oh! Locks of Love? Well then, your haircut is free!" HAHAHAHAA! Laughter full of joy! You DO Love to bless even in the little things don't you? Thank you! And Becca's hair is SOOOO cute!

Week 4

Jan 22-28

You bless us in the silliest,most simple ways. I entered a contest to win tickets to the UofO women's basketball game at the new Matthew Knight Arena and guess what? You came through for my Spirit Squad to attend the event! 20 tickets! You love blessing us in the most amazing ways!

Week 5

Jan 29-Feb 4

It is in those little things again! My glasses broke on Monday, right on the bridge....Taped them up and yep, I was WORKING that look! By that Thursday, the tape had worn off and glasses broke again while I was driving. This is becoming dangerous! So I called around looking for a place that could get me my glasses at a decent price and NOW...no such luck. MY exam had expired and it would require me to have an exam BEFORE getting new glasses. UGH. The school I was working at, my friend Michelle told me of this place that does exams and can get glasses quickly. While they did get them for me and do my exam, i still was going to have to wait a few days because their grinding machine was broke UGH! So, I went to Shopko, the lady there told me they may be able to fix my glasses temporarily. Instead when I went in, they found a pair of used frames that fit my lenses and gave them to me FREE! Thank you again God!

Week 6

Feb 5-11

This week the blessing was in my spiritual life. While you do that everyday, this one was a biggie. I had something occur that knocked me off my feet, made me physically sick. I was in tears and not doing to well. Friday was my last deliverance session with Eileen at church and I was AMAZED at the Lord, once again! The EXACT things I was struggling with, just a few days before, were prayed over, broken off, and destroyed in that session. This was a session that due to mine and Eileen's scheduling, had been scheduled and rescheduled many times...and in Gods perfect timing, HE knew I would need it the most this week! Thank you for being all knowing God!

Week 7

Feb 12-18

And now, here we are to the current week. Today is Feb. 16 and today was the day that Curt's unemployment runs out. Last night, I prayed, posted on facebook for my fb prayer warrior friends to be praying. We are still waiting on the job for Curt through the union to open up. He is still number 1 on the list and I HAVE FAITH God will provide that job. I was so scared about losing this unemployment money. Not only are we struggling with our house, now we would be losing the money from Curt. But I have faith. Well, this morning, Curt, surprised, came to me and said he checked the unemployment website, which he rarely does. He was stunned to see that he had been given 6 more weeks of unemployment! PRAISE GOD! I STRONGLY feel that this was a gift, to uplift our faith even more, because God is sustaining us until this job opens up for Curt, which should be soon! THANK YOU GOD! I can not wait to see what you do next!

FAITH♥ Lord knows I have made a lot of mistakes
On this day, God wants you to know that you are a child of God. Remain strong in your faith, no matter how many mistakes God's children make along the way of growing up, they are still destined for Grace and eternal Joy.

On this day, God wants you to know that God is there for you to hold on. Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do, even if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your faith, even if it's easier to let go. Hold on to God's hand.

2/5/11


On this day, God wants you to know
... that God is there for you to hold on. Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do, even if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your faith, even if it's easier to let go. Hold on to God's hand.

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will ...not protect you.' :) ♥

A lot has gone on the last few weeks and especially this week. My heart is aching, my mind is reeling and my body is shutting down. I mean, all this is making me physically sick....but I know that I will be okay, this is something I must go through and it is those little glimpses of hope and faith that keep me holding on...tight, to my Lord.

As a reminder, rather than a letter, I am copying a post from a "conversation" today. A reminder of how far God will go to meet me, no matter what my situation. After a morning of not feeling well, I kept getting this nagging feeling to call my church and talk about my upcoming session. So, I called and was quite surprised to have Pastor Brad answer the phone. "Oh goodness...do I hang up?" This is not the first time this has happened, that Pastor just "happened" to answer the phone when I call. It happened a few months ago as well. What are the chances?? Well, in this case 3 minutes out of 1440 minutes in a day. Not really high "odds" that Jodi would step away from the phone in those brief 3 minutes and I just happen to call in that time frame. Why those three minutes? I have an idea....Because my God will do ANYTHING to get my attention and to let me know that He knows what I am going through. Even if that means to be lovingly asked by my pastoral authority "Where have you been?"....sometimes we need that loving reprimand to bring us back to where we are supposed to be.



Melissa Wirth-Newell said to Jodi Lutz Frazee

if you are at the church tell PB thanks for the conviction! :) Something happened last night, literally knocked me off my feet and to my knees, and I am not feeling well so I stayed home today...Been praying about it, thinking about it and I kept hearing, "call the church", so i finally did and just about hung up when PB answered the phone! OH MAN. ‎1 minute into the conversation, asking about talking with Eileen, he says "Where have you been?" How is it that my pastor, of a pretty big church notices it when I, little me, is not at church for a couple of weeks? I told him, we had be...en sick (true) and busy (true), but then the REAL truth comes out when I blurtted out "Just being lazy" WHAAAT?? What compelled my mouth to say that?? The truth hurts, when you realize it! "Well, I am going to the Gathering, reading my bible, meeting with friends, but we sleep in on Sundays"......You can just imagine what PB said to that LOL....No more hiding and not giving my time to God. Just let PB know if ya see him...when I heard his voice, I ALMOST hung up...but knew it was not a good choice to hang up on my Pastor cause of my disobedience. Tell him TY for the 5 minute phone session. Now I know why God kept putting it on my heart to call the church today, cause he knew PB would answer the phone LOL...I love you all and am so blessed by my LBC family, even when I become the stubborn, wayward child and it takes my family to bring me back in. Oh man, re-reading that..I am full of excuses of why we have not been there and PB sees right through that

Jodi Lutz Frazee replies

Yes, God has given him a LOT of discernment! And what's funny is, I only left the phones for like three minutes all day, and that's when he answered the phone! I hope u see how much God is chasing after you! Now quit running/hiding! Love u, Melissa!


Melissa Wirth-Newell replies

And it would be in those three minutes that I call...that's not funny, that's God ♥....i see it...i just need to keep running to Him Love you too!

Romans 8:26 (NLT) "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."

I know that no one is subscribed to my blog, EXCEPT my dear friend Melody. Because of her hard work on this blog and loving prompting, I am, once again, "revisiting" my unused forum for what is on my heart. So, as I sit here and type, I wonder, "What do I do with it?" And the answer is clear....

Letters to God.

While I LOVE my Life Journaling, I do not do it as much as I should
(that is something I really need to do this year) I type faster than I can write. (legibly at least LOL)

So here is my first attempt at this....Lord, prompt me, open my heart...here we go...

January 26,2011

Dear Jesus,

I am struggling with "do I start this letter with Jesus, Daddy, God, Father, etc." I know that you are ALL, but what is proper? HAHA LOL....So I went with how I am feeling today. Today, you are MY JESUS. Not knowing what tomorrow brings, tomorrow "Savior" may be appropraite, who knows? Actually you do! hee hee. I know that you are ALL these things, ALL THE TIME, but I will start this journey on whatever "name" comes to me that day OK? Now, I would like to say that I am going to do this EVERY day but my track record is not good with following through. IN ALL areas of my life. From Life Journaling, to blogging, to even following through with my word. I am beginning to see how that affects many areas in my life. So, here I am once again, attempting to do something. I pray that you will prompt me, remind me, that I NEED to do this everyday. My hope and my prayers are these, that over time, as I re-read these letters to you Jesus, whether they are just letters, poems, rants, or praise reports, I will be able to look back and see just how much you have blessed me. I wait in anticipation to see what you are going to do. You know our (my) struggles right now and it is ALL in your hands. There are SO many things that I could pray for specifically but you already now my and my family's needs. I KNOW you are going to come through on what your will is for my family. Thank you SO much for all you have done already this year! From the "new" van with a CD player, the money to fix it, Becca's haircut, tickets to the basketball game, not to mention all the other "little" things that you do everyday. I am so blessed by you. In this time of turmoil and great concern, it is because of you and your faithfulness that I am not so depressed that I can not get out of bed. Or crying so many tears that they fill my heart to the point of breaking. This is TRULY a Journey of Faith. So, as I walk on this journey, I will look for you, everywhere. My prayer today is for Curt's job. You know that we are 3 WEEKS away from his unemployment being over, no extensions left. AND you know that we just found out he is #1 on the Eugene work list for the Union, after almost 4 YEARS of no work, of waiting for there to be a job. That is NO coincidence, that is YOU! :) I KNOW you will send that phone call, even in the 11th hour and he will go back to work, I HAVE FAITH! I will thank you ahead of time....thank you.

I love you and thank you for holding my hand as we walk on this Journey of Faith, even though I know there is only one set of footprints right now;)

Love,

Your Princess

I wrote this yesterday had absolutely no clue as to the pain that was to come. I feel like I am going through surgery and have just been left on the operating table, cut wide open. Exposed. Bleeding. As damaged, hurting areas are being removed. Repaired. Replaced. No painkillers, no anesthesia, nothing. Pain is searing through every part of my body, I can feel it so strongly. Each time my heart beats, blood pumps through my veins, I catch my breath, as memories, thoughts, feelings race through my mind. More tears fall. It hurts SO deeply, "please someone take this pain away" my mind cries out, but no words form on my lips, they will not even move. I sense that something awe-inspiring is happening at the same time. It is not natural,I know this. I am somehow, amazingly, able to still be awake through this pain. Why have I not passed out with each cut, tear of my flesh, or break of my bone? While this hurts so deeply, my heart knows I must feel it, cry out with each ache. This distress will bring healing in areas that have become exposed, as the Master is ever so carefully, lovingly, repairing the damaged insides of my life. He is making me, His masterpiece. His creation, who He created me to be. Making beauty from these ashes. The pain is still there, I can feel it, but dulled now by my mind escaping, dreaming, wandering, looking to get away, just for a moment....Please? I need a break.




I need a break....

by Melissa Wirth-Newell on Wednesday, August 11, 2010 at 3:31pm

"I need a break." This seems to have been my anthem for quite a while now. A break from what? My family? My friends? My home? "I need to get away." falls into that catagory as well. And that is exactly what I have done. But I have not really gone anywhere in the physical sense but I have "gotten away" in my mind and in my heart. To places that that have made me restless, rather than given me rest. While they bring comfort, excitement, joy or relief for a moment, I am still in "need of a break" when I return from these mind/heart vacations. And these vacations do not cost anything, so they are justified in my mind! Or if they do cost money, it is very little, miniscule compared to where I really want to be.On a beach, laying in the sun with the cool ocean breeze gently playing with my hair. Or in Disneyland, with my family, to be in the "Happiest Place on Earth" well, would be exactly that, happy.
I can picture it now....Can you? Nice isn't it? Relaxed, no stress, nothing to worry about. *sigh* deep breaths, this is just what I needed...."MOM!!!" Make him stop! Mom! MOM??!!" well there goes that break, back to reality just as fast as I escaped to my imaginary vacation. Disappointment covers my face and lines begin to form on my brow that make children say "Uhoh! RUN!!" That saddens my heart and that is not the mommy I want my children to remember, or the wife I want my husband to see.
Time to face the facts Melissa, you do not need a break. You have been taking one, for a LONG time. You have been hiding from life when you take the breaks. You do not need a break, you need to be broken, before God, at His feet, finding rest in Him, not in other ways. Stop fooling yourself and realize just how you ended up here and now that your heart is submitted to Him, you will find that "break" every day. In Him, in the little things. Those moments with your children, your husband, your family and friends. THOSE are your breaks IN life.
I hear Him saying "Let Me fill you up, you will find rest in Me if you seek me. There will be no need for escape, no need to feel like you need to get away"
"Really?" my heart cries
"Yes, I am healing your broken heart so you do not constantly feel a need to take a break. So your heart will be full of love, joy, and you will see the treasure I have saved for you"
Tears fill my eyes.
"That treasure is your beauty, inside and out. You are uncovering the gifts I have given you. Each one of them a rare jewel to be placed in your crown my beautiful princess"
More tears. I have not felt this relief, this at rest, this calm since I was on my last "break". And look, here I am in the midst of a storm! Waters are filling up around me, thunder is crackling above me as the lightning flashes before me. The wind is so strong I can feel it trying to carry me away, but I am peace, resting in the arms of Jesus. "Rest here my daughter, you have come to me weary and I will be your break from the storm, I will give you rest." With a deep breath, I smell his sweet fragrance,like calming lavender. Tears flow down my face as he places a beautiful lily in my hand and with the words " You are more beautiful than this flower to me, more precious than any jewel." I break down in tears, realizing this is the break I needed, to broken before Him, so I can grow into the beautiful woman he created me to be, the woman he destined me to be.

Believe


by Melissa Wirth-Newell

Why is there so much sorrow in my joy?
This is supposed to be a time for rejoicing,
but my heart is aching,
longing for the days that used to be.
When things were right with the world,
When you were here with me.


I want you here,
to listen to the beat of a heart.
To see your face light up
at the sound of your dream.
You were taken away from me,
before you were supposed to go,
why do we have to be apart?

You should be here,
enjoying this new journey,
that Life has given us.
We should be giggling,
whispering our thoughts,
planning the celebration,
anticipating this amazing,
God given creation.

I want you here,
to help me with this new life.
To hear your sweet laughter,
fill the rooms again.
It does not seem right without you
to be this happy.
Somedays,
nothing else matters.

But because of you,
I can do this.
I can begin to breathe again.
It may not be easy,
at times I feel like I want to die.
But because of you,
with all my heart
I will give this new life a try.

For I know you are watching,
you are here with me.
Waiting,
anticipating,
to see what is to come.
You are everywhere,
in the tulips,
the butterflies,
the rainbows in the sky.
I think of you when I see these tokens,
sometimes they make my heart cry.
Other times, they bring me pure joy.
Because of this new life,
I will be strong,
for I know I will see your face someday,
In the blink of His eye,
it will not be long.

Because of you,
I know I can do this.
Because of you,
I will forever continue,
to just...
Believe

Searching.....

by Melissa Wirth-Newell

I find myself searching for You.
Somehow,
You have become lost.
I miss talking with You.
did I disappoint You?
I exposed my heart,
but I wonder,
was it worth the cost?

I search for You in the eyes of others,
do You still see me the same?
My heart knows that You do
but my mind tells me otherwise.
Have I changed so much,
strayed too far?
I have only myself to blame.

I search for You in the pages I have written.
You are there,
but am I reading between the lines?
You engage my heart,
my thoughts,
my feelings,
You always have had a way with me,
right from the start.

I know that You are always near,
but why do I feel so alone?
Life is tossing me around like a ship,
lost at sea.
The times I have found You,
or You have found me,
You were my anchor.
Keeping me from breaking apart,
in this hurricane,
that has become my life.

I am searching,
where did You go?
Your encouraging words,
have brought light to my life again,
like a lighthouse,
in the midst of this storm.
Where did You go?

I am searching once again,
this time for Your thoughts.
They give me comfort,
strength,
renewed vision,
in areas I thought had been lost.

This storm will never die down,
of that I am sure,
for life constantly tosses me around.
But the calm moments You have given me,
allow me to hold on,
tighter,
stronger,
preparing me for the next round.

I am searching,
will You be there still?
I am searching,
praying,
wishing,
hoping,
that You will.